


Back to December

by missywell



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 04:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3434339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missywell/pseuds/missywell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's all started with a a touch, and ended up with a mistake.<br/>He loved him too much, then he put their love in stake.</p>
<p>In that December, he lost the love of his life<br/>When he sees him again years after,<br/>Will December brings back memories that both want?<br/>Or will it bring them back to that day,</p>
<p>when winter was never that cold before in December</p>
<p>*****</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ain't nothing but missing you...

**December 2016**

 

It's still there. The bench where he had craving their names. Stands with strength that makes him green with envy.

Their names stays there endlessly, up to the expectation when he took his knife out of the pocket and painted their names in it.

_He_ had told him that it was stupid idea. They did not need some evidence or monument to remind each other of the love they've shared.

 

_He_ was wrong, and so he.  Not even endless night of love and colorful days of teasing was saving them from that mistake.

They lost themselves, slipped between their own fingers, drained with the snows that dropped into the river and washed away.

 

He came to the bench that day after  _he_ left.

Tried his best to erase the scratch, crying all the way.

 

But the wood was more stubborn than him.

 

"No one is more stubborn than you."

 

He closes his eyes. Four years and life is still cruel at him.

 

"Are you coming back?"

 

_This is me swallowing my pride_  
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night  
And I go back to December   
_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_

_- **Back to December (Taylor Swift)**_

__


	2. One: Intertwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin learned that Sehun never accepted 'No' as an answer.

December 2010

He was sulking in his usual corner, thinking about why snow was not falling as hard as he wished, when the new boy was introduced to his class. Never took any interest of anything that revolved around on the last week of school days, he was only aware that the teacher called him when Taemin stomped his stinky foot on his shaking one with a smirk.

Still wandered on how he could payback the little devil, he nodded when the teacher told him that he had a new seatmate. He scooted a little to the left because he liked to keep the ‘window seat’ and did not bother to lift his eyes when a stack of books were dropped almost soundlessly on the table in front of him and a soft voice mumbled, “Sorry.” He nodded again but kept on looking outside.

At the end of the class, he half wished half despised that his friends would do some prank at him by leaving him daydreamed, because in reality, he was not really spacing out. But Taemin, who he knew was trying to take the prize of ‘the brat of the year’, was in conversation with his new seatmate, and he was brought back to the present time.

That’s when he looked at him, really, really took a good look him. Then somehow along the minutes of stare he wanted to kick Taemin’s leg so hard for being so annoyed to him.

Then Taemin ordered the boy to buy him lunch, and he finally kicked Taemin’s left leg.

He did not even flinch at the sight of Taemin’s shaking face. A week ago, he might be burned with sensation on his stomach when Taemin did that. He might even buy the older boy some lunch himself.

But then, nothing, nothing, was compare to the smile that was formed, not only on the lips but also on the eyes, when he told him, “thank you.”

So on that fateful day of winter, Jongin met Sehun for the first time. Wondered why the other boy was so sparkling on such a cold day.

Then a day after, snow storm came to their school yard, brushed away the crinkles in Jongin’s eyes, contented that he did not have to pack his stuff and went home.

The next day he broke a rule of his own. He let Sehun, who he only knew for two days, shared the small space near the tiny window on the abandoned attic, watched the snowflakes blinded their eyes between the million drops of snow.

And Jongin rambled at heart if the boy who was three months younger than him was actually a snow fairy that brought the snowstorm he was wishing for, just because his laughter was in a rhyme with the sounds of the snowdrops on the window.

 

It only took a month to make them inseparable, much to everyone’s surprise. To add to confusion of those who knew Jongin, it happened on the week when Jongin was used to be the non-socialize person in a year.

The week after a long end year holiday, the week when he took the liberty to become numb and silent, mostly hiding on that attic that no one wanted to visit.

None of his classmates, including the twin trolls of Kyungsoo and Jongdae, was daring enough to ask Jongin why.

The first year he stayed at the dorm, he snapped to Joonmyun, the head student of the dorm, and the older locked them in Jongin’s room. He rushed out an hour later with hints of tears on his calm eyes and a warning to everyone that he would summon whoever teased Jongin for his strange behavior.

Joonmyun was already graduated when Sehun came, and no one was care or curious anymore of why Jongin skipped meals at the canteen and stocked the attic with instant ramyun and candies.

Sehun did not have anyone that he could get the answer from, so he went to the only other one who could.

That’s when Jongin learned that Sehun was never accepted ‘No’ as an answer.

 

“Jongin-ah”

Jongin knew that Sehun was there, but he did not move to the left as he used to when Sehun wanted to share the tiny window. Sending signal to the younger that ‘he was not a mood for socializing’.

Sehun frowned and slightly hurt by the silent treatment. He almost retreated when Jongin unconsciously flinched and brushed his own back as if it was hurting. Sehun silently moved closer and an involuntary gasp was out of his mouth before he was able to suppress it, when he caught evidence of fresh bruises just below Jongin’s neckline.

His hand on his mouth to stop gasping, but Jongin already heard it….. and snapped.

“Who let you in?” He shoved the smaller boy with a strength that was meant for some who multiple times bigger and accidentally sent the poor boy to a corner of the attic; his head almost collided with the floor if some cushions were not halting the process of his downfall.

“Ouch!” The soft thump and Sehun’s painful groan brought back Jongin’s sense. The older boy scooted closer, with regrets and pain reflected in his eyes. He stopped just a few steps from Sehun, and sternly told the other boy that he should leave because Jongin did not want him there.

Then he turned away, back to his tiny window, held his breath, waiting until he heard a soft sound of footsteps. Assumed that Sehun was getting out from the room, he finally let his guard off, tucked his head on his knees and cried.

He never felt that lonely in his already messed up life. He liked to be around Sehun, and the boy must be afraid of his action. He lost the chance to know the other better, thanks to his inner demon.

His tears were still flowing freely when he felt a pair of warm arms enveloped him from behind, whispered soothing words, and tucked his head on Jongin’s shoulder. As if the other person wanted to wash his sadness away.

Jongin thought for a moment that Joonmyun – Hyung was back, until one of the hands took his own on it and squeezed softly. His breathing was uneven and head was spinning because of a sudden happiness.

Sehun was there. He stayed.

 

They spent the rest of the day sat in front of their, no longer Jongin’s, tiny window, watching silently the snowflakes, Sehun’s head on Jongin’s shoulder because his back was too sore to lean on the younger boy.

The whole week was spending mostly the same, but everyone could see Jongin in the diner room now, sipping his hot chocolate while watching Sehun played pranks to Kyungsoo and Jongdae. No one asked them why such change of hearts, too.

The week later, Jongin dragged Sehun to the attic and showed the younger his healed back. Sehun’s eyes were full of tears, all silent but a smile and soft whisper of “it’s going to be fine.” Jongin hugged him tight and closed his eyes, tears were no longer only his own.

Month after month, they were getting even closer, starting to open to each other.

Jongin told Sehun about his broken family, of a father who went away when he was six and never came back, of a sister who left home at the age of sixteen after a fight with his mother, and of a step father who easily get mad and found an outlet for his tantrum on Jongin’s back.

Sehun showed Jongin his family album, full with his protecting father, annoyingly happy brother and hugging-obsessed mother. Sehun told Jongin that even when with his seemingly perfect family, things were not always the best. They loved him too much to forget that he was no longer six years old.

Month after month, Jongin fell even deeper to a strange feeling that he could not figuring out what. He only knew that he could not see any future without Sehun.

And that was scary, even for a boy who took all the beating on his back with a sick calmness.

 

“I asked Dad if you can come with us to the autumn house.”

Jongin blinked a couple times, thinking he was heard that wrong. Sehun just kept smiling, shoulders bounced in a way that only Sehun did, eyes bored into him with expectant.

“Jongin?”

He blinked once more time, before shrugged.

“I don’t think my…”

“My mother called yours and she agreed.”

Jongin looked at the smaller boy with envy. People might see that he was the strongest between them two, but Sehun was clearly the confidence one. He did not afraid to take an initiative regarding the two of them, right before he told Jongin of it.

Most of the time, Jongin would agree anyway.

“She loves you, you know.”

Jongin felt Sehun’s eyes on him, spreading his little wings over Jongin’s battered ones. He wondered when the younger knew him so well.

“I know.”

Jongin grabbed Sehun’s hand and intertwined their fingers, admiring how they were fitting to each other without any gaps being seen within their hands.

That’s when Jongin accepted the fact that he might not able to move forward without the boy on his side.

 

That autumn they were grown even closer. Days of stuffing the tree house with food and toys while whistling over the bunch of neighborhood girls and nights of endless fights over Sehun’s laptop and the living room’s television set. Sehun’s mother would only sigh while his father laughed.

But it was the sleeping arrangement that made Jongin’s heart full of singing birds and colorful leaves. They were not roommate that year. Jongin had never seen Sehun slept, except for few times when they both did carried over the snowflakes watching and slept together in the attic. Once he woke first and had three seconds of epiphany before Sehun woke up too. 

Sehun was really a beautiful creature.

Jongin had those three seconds in heaven plastered in his mind. Slowly occupied his dreams and those were not only at nights. But nothing was compared on the first day he watched Sehun’s eyes fluttered closed and the usually-chaotic boy slept soundlessly and peacefully.

Sehun was an ethereal being.

That’s the last thing in Jongin’s mind when he closed his own eyes and joined Sehun to slumber land. Then night after night he pushed himself up until Sehun started to fall asleep. On the last few days, he only lasted for couple of seconds, but it was enough for him to sleep with a smile.

Then the night before they had to return to their dorm, Sehun did not wanted to sleep at all. Jongin was too tired but he wanted to stay awake because that would be his last opportunity to see Sehun’s beautiful sleeping figure. So he drank and drank the coffee in attempt to keep him conscious. He ended up throwing on the bathroom with Sehun was looking worry and annoy at the same time. His stomach was churned but his heart fluttered with happiness, Sehun did care for him.

“Of course I care for you, you idiot!”

Jongin blinked in confusion. But the glare that the other sent to his direction snapped the feeling he buried inside his heart. What he did next was something that both were surprised, but later Sehun said that it was not really not expected.

He kissed Sehun.

On the lips, and he was sure nothing was brotherly on the way he did it. He was kind of waiting for Sehun to snap back at him. Throwing punch or smacking head. But his response was nothing like that.

He kissed Jongin back.

Sehun tasted like nothing than a usual flavor might taste, but like everything that Jongin was expected. His habit on using the strawberry chapstick and his obsess on chocolate bubble tea mixed in a unique flavor that only Sehun would ever have. Jongin was not a fan of chocolate but he was sure he would be after that mindblogging kisses, just because he knew he would want to have Sehun’s faint taste when the boy was not around.

Sehun gently tugged on Jongin’s arms and brought the older boy with him when he fell into the mattress. The felt of Sehun’s soft and long body underneath him was strange, but Jongin was surely that he would get accustomed with it anyway.

Because he liked it. He liked the way Sehun’s eyelids fluttered against his cheeks. He liked the way Sehun moaned when his tongue licked the younger’s lower lips. He liked the feel of Sehun’s nails on his back when he ran his hand up and down. He liked the way Sehun’s cheeks turned into a shade red.

He liked everything that was Sehun, anyway.

Sehun’s eyes locked at his, uncertainty in his voice, “Is this okay?”

Jongin laughed, pulled the smaller boy closer to his arm when he kissed the other’s forehead lovingly. “Of course, nothing is change, I ….. still love you.”

Sehun’s eyes snapped open with surprise but he did not say anything to counter that.

His contented smile was the last thing Jongin saw when both of them fell into sleep, together.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by  
> a meme made by wonderful sekaih @ sekaih.tumblr.com  
> and the "Back to December" song by Taylor Swift


End file.
